I was diagnosed when I was 6 and went on insulin when I
was 7 years old. That was back in the early 60's when, at best, diabetes was
very misunderstood. Consequently, my doctor was not in a very good position to
offer positive support and encouragement. He emphasized "control" and
"discipline" for both me and my parents in treating this disease that
had beset me at such a young age.
It was very difficult for me to accept what was happening
to me unless I approached it intellectually (as much as a 7-year old could). My
mother jumped right in with doing the things necessary for my well being, from
sterilizing insulin syringes to keeping track of testing my urine and being
ready with glucagon injections when needed.
As the years went by, I adapted on the outside because I
could make it look like it was "not a big deal." On the inside,
however, I was resentful and scared and always questioning why.
My adolescence was riddled with compliance at one end of
the spectrum to utter rebellion at the other. Looking back on it, I was very
lucky that I didn't mess myself up worse than I did by not following my diet
and watching my blood sugars (glucose). I fought the constant notion that I was
"going to go blind if I didn't take care of myself" or that "I
would be lucky if I lived past the age of 40" -- the words from my doctor
that rang in my ears, coupled with the image of him shaking his finger at me.
The guilt and the level of shame and responsibility I felt were overwhelming
sometimes. I remember feeling like a freak!
Through my twenties I continued the inattention to my
disease and lived the way I wanted to in order to feel "normal." In
my thirties things started catching up with me and I started developing
complications. By my late thirties/early forties, however, I began to turn the
tide. I finally found a great Diabetes Specialist who didn't judge or criticize
and who had a strong but soft approach to diabetes management. I watched a man
I loved kill himself through alcoholism and I saw what a waste it was. I
realized that in many ways I was doing that to myself. It was like looking in a
mirror. I asked myself if I wanted to slowly kill myself by ignoring the silent
toll that lack of good control takes on a diabetic. I didn't. That was the
turning point for me.
If it hadn't been for my doctor and the other specialists
I dealt with, I know I wouldn't be alive today. The importance of a good,
honest relationship with a qualified physician is of utmost importance to a
diabetic. I know from friends that this is not always easy to find. I am living
proof that they are out there, though. It involves building trust and slowly
breaking down that wall of shame or insecurity and admitting to being human and
struggling with everything we have to deal with. It involves availing oneself
of the best the medical profession has to offer. But it also means having to
"be ready" to accept the hard work involved in taking control of your
own care and truly working "with" your doctors or medical team. If
you think you know it all when it comes to meal plans, don't be afraid to learn
more by going to a dietician. If you don't understand what the A1C tells you,
then ask. I've learned to be proactive in my own care and to educate myself. It
is never too late and might just give you more years to enjoy with life.
I went on the insulin pump almost 3 years ago and have
been able to much better control my blood sugars (glucose). I suffered a
cardiac episode almost two years ago that led to a double bypass and saved my
life by revealing the silent cholesterol problem I had with plaques forming
more quickly in my arteries than in most people. I am the healthiest I have
ever been at 52, with good blood sugar (glucose) control, good blood pressure,
good cholesterol levels, plenty of exercise and careful watching of my diet.
My diabetes care team consists of my Diabetes &
Endocrine Specialist (every 3 months); my retinal specialist (every 6 months);
my ophthalmologist (once a year); my cardiologist (once a year); my podiatrist
(as needed); and even my gynecologist and gastroenterologist.
I no longer feel like a freak because knowledge is so
freeing and I am constantly learning. If you can find a good doctor you can
talk to, you are more than halfway there!
Cheryl K, 52
Silver Spring, MD
132557